I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
