i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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