I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
