i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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