Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
