I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
