are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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