Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need to align my fucking chakras
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
