love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize