It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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