I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize