Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
