in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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