Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You smell like stripper and shame
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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