just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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