So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
