i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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