If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
