Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize