I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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