im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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