if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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