the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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