Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
