just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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