1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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