The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize