I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
