i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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