Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
