OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
