smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
