He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
