i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
