HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize