im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
