We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
