BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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