I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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