Little spoons don't ask big questions
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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