happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
