I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize