i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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