I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
