I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
