I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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