Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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