I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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