I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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