I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have aggressive nipples.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize