well you can't waste a boner
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
