DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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