i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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