I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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