Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
