Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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