I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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