I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize