Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
