i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
