If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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