please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
