no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
