Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
