i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
