so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
