I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
