Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
