somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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