There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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