I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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